


Same Difference

by surrexi



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-20
Updated: 2011-12-20
Packaged: 2017-10-27 14:26:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/296813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/surrexi/pseuds/surrexi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He's different. He's the same. Spoilers for 4.13</p>
            </blockquote>





	Same Difference

**Author's Note:**

> Original 2008 Note: "This is the first of what I'm sure will be many fics I will write as I attempt to process what happened in 4.13. My excellent beta Nikki did read over this, but says she can't promise anything as she is still traumatised. But don't listen to her, any mistakes are clearly my own."

The TARDIS fades away, and Rose struggles not to think about how she won’t ever hear that harsh grinding noise again, won’t ever take a perverse comfort in the roughness of the sound.

Home doesn’t sound like that anymore, she reminds herself.

“Goodbye,” she whispers, and the wind whisks the words away as she feels him walk up behind her.

She stares at the space the TARDIS vacated, her new (new new) Doctor’s hand held loosely in her own, and all she can think is that he’s gone forever and he didn’t say goodbye.

He squeezes her hand gently, and she thinks guiltily that maybe the (real? proper?) _other_ Doctor might have said goodbye if she hadn’t been so busy snogging the sideburns off this one. He isn’t the Doctor, but he is. Isn’t everything she wanted, but is.

He is her first Doctor, with his haunted eyes and battered soul, perhaps already considering trading blue cotton for black leather.

He is her second Doctor, with his mad hair and love for her shining brightly out of his eyes, this time actually saying the words, practically out loud.

She remembers what she’d told her first Doctor about Jack, when they’d first met and she’d instantly trusted Jack, instantly made room for him in her heart. _He’s like you, but with datin’ and dancin’._

She squeezes his hand back and turns her head to find he’s looking at her. She takes in his brown eyes and great hair ( _really_ great hair) and concentrates on the feel of his fingers wrapped around hers. It’s the same, she tells herself. _He’s_ the same. The analytical part of her mind whispers that she’s lying, he’s different, he’s wrong. That _the Doctor_ just flew off in the TARDIS to points unknown in a completely different _universe_ and that this man, this _human_ , isn’t who she needs right now.

He tentatively turns his body towards her, and despite what her mind says her body moves with his of its own accord, already believing what her mind cannot accept, her heart caught somewhere between the two. They’re facing each other and standing close, and she remembers how his lips felt against hers, how his lapels felt under her hands. He reaches up slowly, as if he’s afraid she’s going to pull away, and tucks wayward strands of her hair behind her ears. She watches him, unblinking, searching for something indefinable in his brown eyes.

“The first word I ever said to you was ‘run,’” he says softly. He leans down a little and for a moment she’s back on the TARDIS, oh so many years ago, sure her Doctor is dead. She sways a little on her feet, and he steadies her with a hand on her shoulder. “I loved you so much, so soon, I didn’t even really understand it. I didn’t know how to say the words. And then it was too late.”

He sighs, and Rose blinks rapidly in an attempt to clear her vision — she’s cried too much already, and the sands of this beach have soaked up enough of her tears.

“I know I’m not… what you expected,” he says haltingly. “But… I’m still _me_. And if you let me, I’ll stay with you. Forever.” He touches his forehead to hers for a moment and they both contemplate how much that word has changed. “Like I always wanted, but never could,” he adds, and his voice drops to a whisper again, the words leaving him too open, too vulnerable.

 _Unless… I don’t know. You could come with me?_

He pulls back again slightly, giving her a small bit of space. The look in his eyes is so very similar to when he first wore this face, and the voice in her head that says he’s _wrong_ goes quiet.

 _I just thought… ‘cause I’d changed…_

There are so many things that she knows will make this harder than her pinstriped Doctor made it sound. _Make him better_ , he’d said, as if it were simple or easy, as if he weren’t leaving her behind on the same damn beach as before.

 _Here you are. Living a life, day after day. The one adventure I can never have._

But maybe he wasn’t leaving her behind, not really. Because here he stands, impossibly real and solid in front of her. She touches his cheek, drops her hand to his chest and presses her palm against the beat of his single heart. Different. Still the same.

Maybe, she thinks, just maybe she can make room in her heart for one more version of the Doctor.


End file.
